this morning. feel the same.

at the morning, i decide what i feel about myself for the day. do i feel happy, sad, or cheesy. it reflect at my outfits. also my feeling. do you know Mrs. Bartolotti? please, you should read Conrad. maybe, i'll talk about this book another time. this time, i wanna talk about this morning.

i suppose to do my task. i'll gonna have my class at 10am, and this is 6.44am. i turn on my laptop, read Rookie, and Style Rookie. then, i feel so sad. so, today i am a sad girl.

i wanna make a zine, i tell you before. nobody at my grade want to make it with me. so, i told some senior boys and they was interested! oh my, i am kinda so happy! but i really afraid that they change their mind. so, wish me luck.

Wednesday Addams anyone? via Alix Bancourt.

yesterday, i talked about ideology to my friend.

Me : i think he is just like another boy. okay, i'll say he is half-mature. he said he want to be idealistic but he don't. i think it is sarcastic. then i realized that it is the fact. i don't know about his ideology.

Friend : ideology is desire to always be perfect.

Me : no, it is not! ideology is something how you think. Pancasila is ideology (for you who don't know, i know that you're not indonesian). yap, that's it.

Friend : ........

oh my, do you think what i think? i feel so confused. i don't know what people at my age think about (okay i know, they think about the opposite gender so much. and the task). i said to my sister that people at my uni seems like high school girls and boys. so immature, so naive. they seems don't wanna grow up. they want to be young forever. but i am not. i wanna be a lady!

twilight really reflect the vibe. young, in love, mortal, young forever. do you feel that young forever is not a good idea? i hope you watched Tuck Everlasting and Pirates of the Caribbean : On Stranger Tides. Winnie Foster (Alexis Bledel) and Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) resist to be immortal.

Don't be afraid of death, Winnie. Be afraid of the unlived life.

(Angus Tuck - Tuck Everlasting)

Winnie : I don't wanna die; is that wrong? Angus Tuck : No. No human does. But it's a part of being human. 

(Tuck Everlasting)

Gibbs: I don't get it, Jack. You had the chalices, the tear, the water - you could have lived forever! 

Jack Sparrow : Who's to say I won't live forever? But, you know what? It's a pirate's life for me, savvy?

(Pirates of the Carribbean : On Stranger Tides)

don't you think that we should not be afraid of death? if we know we'll die someday, we'll make our day a way better than yesterday. but if we are immortal, we'll lose the taste of life. life is boring sometimes. so, how can you life like that for forever? 

there are many people that obsessed to be adult (rookie, thank you!). i was. when i was child. then i realized that being adult is hard. the responsibility and problems and whatever.

but now, i know that i should think as a adult, grown up people. i would not make mistake anymore. i would life in peace. it's okay to be sad, i know. you should not act happy all the time. when you are sad, you can tell me and we can work it out. so, don't lie to yourself.

anyway, you're beautiful. yes, YOU!